Holidays and My Mom

If I’ve said it once, I ‘ve said it a thousand times- “I can’t believe it’s almost Thanksgiving!”

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I remember as a child, the holidays could never get here fast enough. When I would complain to my mother, she’d say, “Don’t wish them here yet. I know it seems like a long time, but just when you turn around, they’ll be here.” Another was , “Don’t wish your life away, they’ll be here all too soon.” Seemed like a bunch of  (excuse the pun) gobble dee goop to me, but she knew what she was talking about. Suddenly, they are here. Every year. Every July, I say, “Six more months and it will be Christmas. Well, that’s a while yet.” And then, like magic, it’s here.

My mom passed away 4 days before Christmas. She loved the holidays and I know she couldn’t believe she was blessed enough to be in heaven for it that year. I know she doesn’t miss being here on this earth with all it’s problems and disease. But, I sure miss her. The holidays just aren’t the same without her. She was the driving force behind our family -and hers. She was the one who made sure all the aunts and uncles, cousins and grands got together, had a wonderful meal and laughed…alot. She was the one who gave all she had for her family. Since she’s been gone, our family doesn’t really have those get-togethers anymore. She would so hate that. She taught us family was everything. The thing was SHE was everything.  She was the most loving, infuriating, wonderful, exasperating woman ever. She could make you cry with laughter, laugh in the middle of a crying spell and giggle when you knew you weren’t supposed to.  We had a complicated relationship,  but I loved her like crazy.

Her life was hard, but she made the best of it and she knew one day she would go to her place in Heaven to sing praise to Jesus each and every day. She would always tell me she couldn’t wait for that. I just couldn’t understand. I thought she meant she couldn’t wait to die. Too broad a subject for a child’s mind. I know what she meant now. It is so bittersweet to have a family member pass away during the holidays. On the one hand, I was so happy she went during her favorite time of the year. On the other hand, I just miss her so much. Yet, she is still with me . When I laugh, others tell me it’s her laugh. I might say a word here or there that was her word. I might move like she did. I might love like she did. I might be as thankful as she was.

I hope all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas , Hannukah or whatever holiday you observe this year. I know I will!

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