Reflections

I’ve been sitting on my couch, thinking about the year past and have come to the conclusion it was not such a bad year for our little family. There were many blessings, such as no major illnessess, no real mania or depression as is the norm in my  bipolar world. No seizures. One book published, one baby born. In other words, no disasters. Not even close. I can’t remember a year when just about everything was status quo.

I know for many, 2016 has been an awful year. Lots of celebrities have passed away. Of course, that is not the year’s fault. Just life, mostly. I think it is funny when people say, “Another celebrity gone. Dadgum 2016!”(or worse!). Like it’s the year’s fault. Nope! It’s just the way the world turns. I have good fun reading those on facebook. Anyway, I digress.

I have been trying to sort out a writing schedule and have ordered a planner in which to accomplish my goals for the coming year. I’m not really a planner person, but it is time to get to marketing my books and finding time to write daily. It’s a lot of work marketing books and trying to get sales as an independent writer.But, I am confident my books will speak for themselves and once I get a good marketing plan, I’ll be off like a hurdle of turtles.

I really am, for maybe the first time, looking forward to seeing what new adventures await me and the husband. Could it be possible we’ll have even more fun next year than we did best-happy-new-year-picturesthis year? We’ll see.

Happy New Year to all my friends and readers near and far! Be blessed in 2017!

 

The Longest Week

Is the week over yet? It has been the longest week ever. I am sad to say that our lovely Dingo, Jack, lost his battle with cancer and crossed the Rainbow Bridge this past Monday. It was hard to see him go, but he was so sick and could not be healed . He was a good boy and such an inspiration for me and writing a children’s story. I am currently working on finding a new illustrator for the Jack Learns books. I can’t wait to get started after the new year.

Three days after Jack’s death, God blessed us with a new grand-daughter. She is a breath of fresh air, a beautiful 8.2 lb baby with some dark hair and a sweet smile. So, I found out it is true that when God takes something away, something else is added. I cannot wait to get to know this little bundle of love. She and her sister are truly stunningly beautiful girls, blessed with loving parents and grandparents. They are loved beyond their wildest imaginations and always will be.

In just a few days, it will be Christmas. I don’t have a tree up. I’m not a Scrooge or a fuddy duddy, but I just haven’t had a minute to put the tree up. The most important thing to me at Christmas time is that my family is healthy and happy and know how much they are loved. I love having my family over . We laugh at the goofiest things and just have fun being together. I pray it is always that way with us.

Well, that’s all for now. Until next time, Merry Christmas !

 

Missing Her Again.

I’ve been crocheting a blanket for my grand-daughter  and listening to Christian music, specifically, the CD from Heaven is Real and the Newsboys CD. While listening to the Heaven is Real CD and crocheting that little blanket, my thoughts turned toward my mother. This time twelve years ago, she was in the hospital dying of ovarian cancer.

I never would have imagined missing her so much. Sure, I knew I would miss her. I just never thought it would be like this. You know, to the point where tears fall from your eyes when you least expect it or where  a mere look from your sister can remind you so much of that lady who took the best care of you she knew how. A word uttered can remind you of the  way she said something or the emphasis she put on that very word.

None of us are given a handbook on how to raise our kids. Nope, we are pansters where that is concerned- we just fly by the seat of our pants and hope we are doing it right. Even though I thought my mother was doing it all wrong when I was a teenager, I found out later, she couldn’t have done a better job if she’d had that handbook. Some of the things she taught us, like  loving each other (“blood is thicker than water”), we were taught to love God even more. I remember wondering when I was a little girl how in the world it was that I was supposed to love God more than I loved my mother? That was more love than was fathomable to me.

As an adult, I can see that is how much my mother loved us. More than we could fathom. And she still had more love for God. It is much like my feelings for my own kids. My mother taught me how to love God and for that I will be forever grateful.

I took my mother to the hospital just after Thanksgiving in 2004. She supposed she had a virus and couldn’t keep anything down. I hated spending time at the hospital, having a son who was there a lot, but she had spent her time with me at the doctor, so it was the least I could do for her. She was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. There was nothing they could do for her and I knew she wouldn’t be here much longer. I stayed with her every chance I could, wanting to spend as much time with the woman who gave and sustained life to and for me. We talked and laughed and said all the things we hadn’t said to each other.

I told her what a great mother she was, even though I didn’t always act as if she was and in fact sometimes acted as if she were my worst enemy and spewed hatred towards her. I never hated my mother. I loved her deeply. The way we love our mothers is with a love so deep, it is just too difficult to understand. She told me I “turned out pretty good, after all.” I cried. I needed to know that even though I provided my mother plenty of disappointment, it was not a complete loss. She loved me anyway. And she was proud of me. That’s all I ever wanted to hear from her. She didn’t disappoint me.

My sister and I were there when she passed away. Truly, she had already gone, but her body kept going, slow to give out. I miss my mom terribly today and I am crying as I write this. If you have not told your mom today that you love her and thanked her for doing her best to bring you up, please do it today. Let her know she is the greatest mom ever and you appreciate all her hard work.

As for me, while it seems like ages until I see my mother again, I know it will be just a blink of an eye. I love you Mother and I miss you.

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