Over and Done- For Now

The crash is finally over. I began to feel better when I woke up this morning and feel even better now. It begins when a smile finds itself creeping upon my face. Maybe my eyes squint when I feel the smile on my lips. It’s a feeling of wellness felt deep down -a feeling that hell has left my body, my soul and I can breathe a little bit.

Crashing from a manic phase is – well, it is almost indescribable- except to say I feel no joy, no hope, nothing. Not flat- just lower than low.  When it is finished and I’m back to my old self – well, there is nothing more amazing.

If you wonder why I carry on so about bipolar, what it’s like, how it feels, – well, it’s to educate anyone and everyone. Back when I was diagnosed, every time there was a shooting in Dallas, it was a person with “bipolar.” Well, I’m here to let everyone know we are not all violent offenders. We are regular people trying to deal with a somewhat devastating condition not only for us, but for our families. Bipolar affects tens of millions of people and some very famous people such as Vincent Van Gogh, Vivien Leigh , of Gone with the Wind fame, newslady Jane Pauley, Carrie Fischer  and the list goes on and on. These people struggled to keep their lives going despite the peaks and valleys. If they can, I know I can and so can you.

Vivien Leigh
Vivien Leigh
Artistic genius Van Gogh
Artistic genius Van Gogh
Jane Pauley
Jane Pauley

Might One Wonder Why?

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Someone reading this crazy, mixed up blog might wonder why I might want to relive all these moments in my life. Moments that may not seem relevant for anyone or anything. Moments that I might regret, moments that caused pain for my family, maybe for me as well. 

So, actually, I wondered that myself- wondered who might be interested in my life, and to be perfectly honest, why they might be interested in my life. I decided a few things. First, it’s kinda like the reason I watch General Hospital- it’s nice to see somebody else’s drama for a change. Not that we wish drama on anyone, but the fact of the matter is that everyone has some sort of drama in their life. And the thing is it is not OUR drama. And that is what a reader or viewer relishes. Something that is not our own. A bit of voyeurism into someone else’s life… I know and can speak for my own self when I say that we all crave that little look in the peephole of someone else’s life. Secondly,while no one in this life has exactly the same experiences as another, sometimes we have amazing similarities. Thirdly, and really more importantly, there is always a distinct possibility something I may say or feel may teach someone something.I can say that because isn’t  that really what each one of us does- teach others with our views, opinions, actions, words and thoughts? 

Yet another reason might be even though we may make some terrible decisions in our lives, those decisions might yield the biggest blessings. It’s true! It’s like a scientific formula an action and a reaction yields a product. Depending on how you look at it, it can be the worst mistake of your life or the biggest blessing ever. It is up to each of us to decide. I choose blessings. What do you choose?

So, it is with quite a bit of humility that I write the experiences I have had, the fun I’ve had, heartbreak and so on. I realize that “dredging up old business” might be unpleasant for some involved parties. For that I apologize. The positive part of this is that it will, in the future, be a piece of history for my grandchildren, great grandchildren  etc. and so on. 

Hi Ho. (thank you Kurt Vonnegut,Jr!)